Lately I've been very tired. I'm tired of not ever getting a full nights sleep and always being on call. Why do I do this? I've been wondering if it's guilt. Guilt of being able to walk, to brush my teeth or take a shower or just get in the car.
Perhaps the guilt extends to wanting a life that is somewhat normal. I've had to ask myself what would happen if I gave up being a caregiver. How would my husband's family cope with that. How would my husband cope with that.
I remember the day we sat on the edge of the bed and tried to wrap our heads around the fact that my husband had just been diagnosed with MS. I thought...we can get through this. I never believed it would get to the point where he could not walk, stand or sit up. I don't think he did either although we had heard of people with MS. It's not something you get through. It just keeps getting harder and harder to cope with. The summer of 09 he could transfer into the car and we spent many afternoons just cruising around the countryside. This summer getting into the wheelchair van was was a several hour ordeal. He can't sit beside me anymore to talk. The feelings of guilt are building.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
A typical day
I've been battling a cough for 2 weeks now. It leaves me drained. I think my immune system went down after the trip to Mexico.
Well yesterday was Michael's first dentist visit. It went really well. He must have had some coaching from school because when we got there he told me I would have to wait in the hall for him. I was expecting him to want to hold my hand. It was a pleasant surprise. He came out all smiles and showing off his clean teeth.
Did I say we got a cat on the weekend. He is cute. He slept on Michael's bed last night and that kept Mike in his own room. We've been battling the sleep thing for a year now. Mike wants to sleep in the middle. Now that Brad is in a hosp. bed I only have a twin bed beside his. There is not enough room for both Mike and me. I can't carry him back to his room after he falls asleep as he instantly wakes up. It's been a problem for ages. I don't get a good night's sleep ever. I'm hoping if the cat sleeps with him he'll reclaim his own room.
Today we are taking Brad out for a visit with a friend he has only spoke to on the phone. She has also had the Liberation treatment and it will be a good outing for him. Getting him ready to go out takes a great deal of planning. He needs to get up, washed and do his morning stuff. Then dressing and into the wheelchair. Sometimes that tires him out before we set off. We are usually always late for everything. Here's hoping we make it on time today.
Well yesterday was Michael's first dentist visit. It went really well. He must have had some coaching from school because when we got there he told me I would have to wait in the hall for him. I was expecting him to want to hold my hand. It was a pleasant surprise. He came out all smiles and showing off his clean teeth.
Did I say we got a cat on the weekend. He is cute. He slept on Michael's bed last night and that kept Mike in his own room. We've been battling the sleep thing for a year now. Mike wants to sleep in the middle. Now that Brad is in a hosp. bed I only have a twin bed beside his. There is not enough room for both Mike and me. I can't carry him back to his room after he falls asleep as he instantly wakes up. It's been a problem for ages. I don't get a good night's sleep ever. I'm hoping if the cat sleeps with him he'll reclaim his own room.
Today we are taking Brad out for a visit with a friend he has only spoke to on the phone. She has also had the Liberation treatment and it will be a good outing for him. Getting him ready to go out takes a great deal of planning. He needs to get up, washed and do his morning stuff. Then dressing and into the wheelchair. Sometimes that tires him out before we set off. We are usually always late for everything. Here's hoping we make it on time today.
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